Dance, Baby
by WasabiLemon
Summary: The assembly that shocked Destati High, courtesy of Sora and Roxas. Oneshot. Yaoi.


Just a pointless one-shot, born from the many years of watching my school's dance team break it down, ho-style. I knew it was just a matter of time before I wrote something like this.

Yaoi, nothing _too_ descriptive though. I think.

Please don't think I have anything against dancers. Because I don't.

Disclaimer: KH belongs to Squenix, The Bad Touch lyrics belong to Bloodhound Gang.

The Assembly

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Tidus raced up the bleachers to the very top row, stopping to do a Rocky impression before taking his seat. Axel and Riku followed and sat on either side of him as the rest of the gym began to fill.

This was Axel's first assembly ever. True, he had gone to Destati High for three years now, but as the 'I'd rather be anywhere but here' button on his backpack attested, he was never one to miss an opportunity to skip. He had diligently spent every previous assembly in the nearest gas station's parking lot, sipping Icees.

Riku had never ditched an assembly, but usually slept through them. More than once he had been saved from the certain doom of rolling down the bleachers unconscious by Tidus' quick thinking; Riku couldn't help it if he moved a lot in his sleep.

But today was a _special _assembly. Riku wouldn't be sleeping, Axel wouldn't be skipping, and Tidus, for once, might stop drawing boobies on the bleachers in permanent marker. Maybe.

The assembly was special because Sora and Roxas, the respective love-interests of Riku and Axel, were going to be performing. It wasn't unusual for the school to have specialized assemblies for the different school activities; they'd had ones for the choir, the band, theater, different sports teams, and even the chess club. Now it was the dance team's turn.

Axel was still at a loss as to why Roxas, _his_ Roxas, the shy, mildly anti-social Roxas, would ever join the dance team, though he suspected it had involved bribery on Sora's part.

Riku, likewise, was amazed at Sora's sudden decision to learn to dance. Sora was not known for his gracefulness, or his ability to actually move to the beat, or for having the general sexiness needed in most of the dance routines. Riku admired his determination though, and vowed to stay awake to watch him perform.

Sora and Roxas (and Demyx, who happened to be in the same dance group) remained tight lipped whenever they were questioned about their routine.

The bright overhead lights of the gymnasium dimmed and neon-ish spot lights hooked up to the tops of the basketball hoops created a colorful glow on the large, padded dance mat on the center of the floor.

The dance captain came out and talked to the crowd, going on and on about the upcoming groups to be performing. Tidus wrote her name on the wall behind him and drew a stick figure with abnormally large boobs next to it.

'What a realistic rendition,' Riku noted dryly, looking back and forth between the girl and her sticky-counterpart.

The first group of dancers, all girls, walked out dressed in cowgirl outfits. Axel and Riku both started to nod off, not really interested in any dancers other than Roxas and Sora. Tidus began doodling on them.

The second group used some vaguely martial artsy moves, and Tidus recognized Zell Dincht as one of the dancers.

"Hey, that one's Zell!" He pointed excitedly.

"Tidus, he has a facial tattoo the size of a small country on his face. It's not hard to recognize him," Axel muttered condescendingly, still in a sleepy haze.

Tidus shrank back against the wall, dejected. He was, however, somewhat cheered up by the fact that Axel didn't know he had drawn four naked stick girls (and a penguin) on his face as he was sleeping.

Several more groups came and went, none of them really worth mentioning, until it was time for the one they'd been waiting for.

Tidus nudged each of the boys beside him excitedly, and they sat up to get a good look. Axel and Riku were both too engrossed to realize that they each had gained a few lurid facial tattoos in the last forty-five minutes.

Sora and Roxas, along with Demyx and a few other boys and girls Tidus didn't recognize, walked out onto the floor amid the audience's applause. Riku and Axel stood as they clapped, making sure that the two on the floor saw that they were present and fully awake.

The group divided into pairs- Sora with Roxas, Demyx with a short haired girl wearing yellow hot pants. Sora and Roxas wore tight black shirts with equally tight faded jeans, as did most of the others.

The music took a while to start, but when it did, it definitely got attention.

_Sweat, baby_

_Sweat, baby_

_Sex is a Texas drought_

_Me and you do the kinda stuff that only Prince would sing about_

Axel's jaw dropped. Riku's hand went over his mouth. Tidus whipped out his cell phone to take pictures.

Sora and Roxas, along with the rest of the dancing pairs, had definitely upped the raunchy ante; there was spanking, and gyrating, and grinding, and many other moves that would have parents calling and complaining about the school allowing their kids to watch such overtly sexual acts.

_You've had enough of two-hand touch_

_You want it rough_

_You're out of bounds_

_I want you smothered, want you covered_

_Like my Waffle House hash browns_

Riku, along with Axel, only had eyes for Sora and Roxas. They stared, entranced, as the two did minimal dancing and maximum groping.

Sora and Roxas had always seemed so… innocent. Apparently, like the quiet men who always turn out to be serial killers, the shy 'boy next door' kinds are those most open to kinky, exhibitionist acts.

_You and me, baby_

_Ain't nothin' but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do_

_On the Discovery Channel_

_Getting' horny now!_

They split from their partners and used the next thirty seconds or so to do some more 'traditional' dancing, along with a few acrobatic moves, and even a little break dancing. And then they went right back to what they had been doing before- namely, something resembling a lap dance.

_Heiroglyphics? Let me be Pacific_

_I wanna be down in your south seas_

_But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean _

_Means small craft advisory_

Axel contemplated this new side to Roxas, a side he had never imagined but was profoundly happy to see. His mental process went a little something like this:

'Hot Roxas, horny Roxas, I want Roxas, naked Roxas, naked _dancing _Roxas…'

Riku, however, was still a little surprised at Sora. How many times had he hinted that he wanted to smother and cover Sora? A lot. And how did Sora always act? Oblivious. Oblivious and naïve. But now he's all over Roxas like he's hash browns! Fate was cruel.

_So if I capsize on your thighs_

_High tide, B-5_

_You sunk my battleship_

_Please turn me on, I'm Mr. Coffee_

_With an automatic drip_

Sora took the opportunity to roll his hips slowly, making Riku bite his lip to contain himself. What had started as an innocent- wait, no, scratch that. What had started as a funny, mildly obscene dance was now something just short of stripper-y erotic.

_You and me, baby_

_Ain't nothin' but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do_

_On the Discovery Channel_

They finished with flair, each doing a practiced pose and freezing in place. There was utter silence (with the exception of a few appreciative whistles and catcalls) for nearly ten seconds, before the gym started to fill with applause.

Roxas wiped a hand across his sweaty forehead and looked up at Axel, who excitedly gave him two thumbs up. Sora looked for Riku, pushing sweaty hair back from his face. Even at the distance he was, he could see the smile on Riku's face. As he got closer, he also saw some crude drawings of naked women and pandas on his forehead, which he dutifully helped scrub off.

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As everyone was being dismissed back to class, Riku dragged Sora into the cramped storage closet behind the auditorium. This closet was often used for more dubious purposes, but Riku convinced himself his actions were totally, completely, one hundred percent pure. This was true love, after all.

He whisked Sora into the mothball scented closet, where he confessed his undying love for the boy. They then had a heated make-out session, ending with a very disheveled Sora and a very, very happy Riku.

Axel and Roxas were neither seen nor heard until late in sixth period. The two looked flushed as they staggered in. When questioned about it, Roxas quickly stammered out something about running the mile in P.E., while Axel just waggled his eyebrows and smirked.

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Well… what can I say?

Please review-eth, that's what.


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